My Bad Date

My Dear Francis,
I cannot say how sorry I am for the othert night. You must believe me when I say that it was the Merlot talking and not me. I guess you were right, I should have stopped after the third bottle. But I do love a good Merlot, hell even a bad one. Its just that when I get around wine I hav no self control. Sometimes when I'm at work I sneek a couple of glasses. I know, I know, as an industrial crane operator this could be seen as dangerous, even irresponsible. But quite frankly I think I lift and haul three tons of building material better when I'm a little buzzed. But I'm getting off topic.
As I was saying, it was the wine and not me. I feel like I ruined what could have been a nice romantic moment. Oh hell, who am I kidding, I got the idea that the moment was ruined when we were driving home you threw me out of a moving car. As I lay there, bruised, scrapped and bleeding prety badly from a wound above my left temple, I realized that I shouldn't have said what I said. I guess I only have myself to blame. It was I who suggested, no forced you, to eat at that Indian/Mexiacn restaurant. But "Senior Apu's Jolly Tiger Bean Emporium" had such a nice ring to it. And lets not forget that it was you who ordered the Taco Vindalu. But that's not really the point. The real problem came later at make-out point, when lets face it, your meal choice started to get the better of you. I could have been a little more understanding, I know that now, but I really have never smelled anything like that before. I could have lied and said that I was crying tears of joy from being locked in your arms, but how was I going to explain the runny nose and dry heaves. And I really felt that I overstepped my bounds when I offerd you some Big Red to help "cover the smell of rotting garbage which was escaping from that hole under your nose". There are so many better ways I could have phrased that. My insensitivity got the best of me. My mother always used to say that there was nothing funny about painful gas. Never were truer word spoken. I hope that you can take it into your heart to forgive me. I also hope that you take two spoon fulls of Mylanta efore our nest date. Take care my funny smelling elf.
Mike