The Haunting of Julio

Julio had started a Las Vegas show entitled "Guess What Animal I am now". After initial reviews claimed that merely watching it caused nausea, diarrhea and life-long depression, Julio was asked to leave the state of Nevada and not return until he had perfected how " a pig goes". Depressed and alone, Julio wandered around the Sierra Nevada looking for inspiration. Inspiration and an answer to the question which had plagued him for days, "What is that smell?" After tracking down the smell, an egg salad sandwich that he left in his sneaker, Julio wandered into my house. He then wandered into my cabinets and ate all my food. Julio then told me the whole sordid story about his smell, the wandering and his failed Las Vegas show. Which all left me with one question, "Who the hell are you?" He explained that his name was Julio and that he would now become a leech on my entire existence. After making me give him fifty bucks he insisted that I take him to the circus where he would show me "how a real man eats cotton candy'. To this day I still don't know what that means. Julio would sit on my couch all day and revel me with stories of lost cities of gold and his many sexual conquests. I began to have my doubts about these since many of the people he was reported to have "banged" included those long since dead. Including Queen Isabella of Spain and Jules Verne. One day I awoke to find Julio had moved out. He left a note, which said, "Thanks for everything, including the kidney. I am off now to fulfill my life long dream of 'smelling the inside of Port Authority Bus Station. '" He then signed it "You smell, I won't tell and if I see you again, we'll both burn in hell. Julio". And for reasons I am not quite sure of, he stole all of my shoes.